


Almost Got 'Im

by EvenSpeedWeedisAfraid



Series: Hell's Yarns [19]
Category: Brütal Legend, Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: 1970s, 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, Canon-Typical Behavior, Cocaine, Episode: s01e46 Almost Got 'im, Flashbacks, Framing Story, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Rating May Change, Recreational Drug Use, as is tradition for the 80s i guess, dunno if a horny story being related warrants a higher rating, each story is in a different decade, inspired by a batman animated series episode kinda, that one specifically, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29826228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvenSpeedWeedisAfraid/pseuds/EvenSpeedWeedisAfraid
Summary: Four men of power meet back up after years of not seeing each other, and discuss which one of them truly came closest togettingStolas Goetia.Get ready for tales spanning four decades, and lots of risky business!
Relationships: Doviculus/Stolas Goetia (past), Funny Valentine/Stolas Goetia (past), Lilith Magne/Lucifer Magne, Lucifer Magne/Stolas Goetia (past), Valentino/Stolas Goetia (past)
Series: Hell's Yarns [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058714
Kudos: 2





	1. Hold and Fold

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be... something. This first chapter serves just to set up the framing device, so it's shorter than the actual tales.  
> Also, I wanna give due credit to WriteAnon for Funny Valentine's appearance and demon name - granted, I did give Funny a much different outfit here, but I take no credit for the base.

A pair of black hands lets five cards drop onto the table.  
"Call me the fuckin' _breeze_ boys, 'cause I'm boutta sweep this! Full house in here," the owner of those hands spoke up, raspy as he usually is - and filled with cockiness. It was _his_ VIP table after all, so why _wouldn't_ Valentino be cocky?  
Unfortunately for him, one of the other two demons seated at the table shook his head and spoke up, voice deep and... well, powerful _could_ be a way to describe it. Another way to describe it would be _sensual_. "I'm afraid the only thing I'll call you... is a fool."

Gently placing his own cards to the table was a pale skinned demon dressed in what can generously be described as 'the lower half of a robe and a very large red sash around the waist', along with fishnets leading into leather forearm protectors... and most strikingly, a full-head leather mask that only seemed to have an opening for his mouth - and the two tusks that curved downwards out of there. It also bore three quite long spikes rising from the forehead region.  
Other than that, his chest was fully exposed, which allowed all to see how it seemed to be stitched together right down the middle.  
Regardless of all that, the demon smirked. "Look for yourself, Valentino. A straight flush. Unless our dear Danger can somehow manifest five of a kind, I've got this won."

Both demons looked to the last occupant of the table - a tall rabbit-like demon with additional height brought by his two long ears, silver-white fur with streaks of pink running down the sides of his face, with long blonde locks of hair ending in large curls topping his head. Dressed in a much more dignified fashion than his compatriots, he wore a long red coat with white buttons running almost all the way down the left side. Beneath was a white undershirt with a ruffled collar and cuffs, and further down was a pair of sensible black pants leading to brown cavalry boots.  
Looking up to the others, Danger shrugged. "Well gentlemen, as they say..." Letting the cards fall, it turned out that he did indeed manifest five of a kind - all aces, except for one joker. " _Dojyaaa~~n!_ "

Valentino was not happy in the slightest at this development. "Oh _fuck right off_ , ya used ya damn dimension powers ta' get them cards, didn't ya?"  
Danger was nonplussed at this, adjusting the cuffs of his clothes. "I'd never do such a thing. Right, Doviculus?"  
The now identified Doviculus let out an amused little snort, before moving on. "Now, much as I do love seeing Valentino upset... I can't be the only one wondering where our fourth man is, correct?"  
Almost as if on cue, the front door of the exclusive club opened as two figures stepped in, one noticeably taller than the other. The duo crossed the length of the club until they were right before the three overlords.  
The taller looked down to the shorter, smiling at him. "Now, Luci, remember what I said on the way here."  
"Of course, Lilith dear. I'll be _extra careful_ to not make too much of a mess when things inevitably go tits up," Lucifer replied to his wife, before she leaned down to peck him on the cheek and then headed off to the club's bar.

\---

With the King of Hell now seated at the table, everyone was here.  
"The Fellowship reunites," Doviculus said in an nigh ominous fashion.  
"Shit, when was the last time we all came together, boys?" Valentino asked with a chuckle as he leaned back in his chair.  
Danger quickly counted on his fingers before he answered. "Around nineteen years ago, at the wedding reception."  
Lucifer shook his head. "Time sure flies, huh? But, while we're on that little subject... have any of you kept up with our favorite bird's status?"

All of them exchanged looks that just about said all that needed to be said.  
The man in white shrugged with a sigh. "Truth is, we all know he isn't happy where he is now. Deep down, we _know_. And considering we've all had flings with him, I propose a little contest... each of us will tell the tale of how we came to... _know_ Stolas, and by the end of it, we'll figure out who had the best story... and who _almost got him_."  
The other three nodded, but Valentino seemed unsure about something. "Aight, but who goes first? We gonna be pullin' straws or some shit?"  
"Funny you should ask! I think that we should go in chronological order, from the oldest fling to the most recent, which means that I'd go last." Looking over to the rabbit demon, Lucifer smiled. "Kick us off, Danger."

Blinking once, Danger leaned forwards. "The first napkin is mine, as always. Anyway, let me bring you men back to the year of 1975 when, believe it or not, I was in a band..."


	2. Shooting Star (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For our first story, Danger takes us on the road in the 1970s.  
> A travelling band meets with a rather tall fan, and their frontman can't help but feel a connection with said fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Foreword for this and the next story: I have never touched any illicit drugs in my life. So basically, I'm just using vague knowledge and media representations of it to write it.

There was an awkward pause after Danger left that sentence hang. Lucifer and Doviculus exchanged glances with each other, seemingly confused but not wanting to make a big deal out of it. Valentino, however, _did_ feel like making a big deal out of it.  
"You gonna stand there sayin' nothin' all night, or are ya gonna fuckin' tell us the story?"  
Danger craned his head to glare at the moth before answering. "I _will_ , but first I need to give you men some context. Around July of 1974, me and my then-wife Scarlet divorced on amicable terms. I do arbor affection for her, don't get me wrong, but it's more the sort of affection one has for a good friend. Which we still are to this day, mind." A pause. "Anyway, then I had what one could call a mid-afterlife crisis, and with my half of the money... decided to _buy_ a bus, stock it with instruments and go on a quest to assemble a band. With this out of the way, we can now embark on the tale that I've entitled... _Shooting Star_."

\---

_**October 17th, 1975.** _

Four demons stood on the stage at the back of a bar, as the crowd cheered on. Front and center was a rabbit demon dressed in a t-shirt, bell-bottom jeans and cowboy boots - and holding an acoustic guitar.  
"You've been great, folks! We've got to go soon, but I _think_ we've got enough time for one last song. This one's a favorite of ours..." As Danger talked, the crowd got excited further - the loyal fans of the D4C Experience knew just what the frontman was talking about.  
Turning to look at the androgynous, rose-encrusted tunic-wearing, blonde-haired Utahraptor demon sitting at the drumset, Danger nodded. "Ferdinand, give us a beat."

Doing as told, Ferdinand hit the drums, and soon afterwards, Danger began to sing.  
" _Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah_  
 _Some call me the gangster of love_  
 _Some people call me Maurrrice!_ " A wolf-whistle sound effect was played, eliciting laughter from the crowd before Danger resumed.  
" _'Cause I speak, of the pompatus of love..._ "

As the song continued, one audience member in particular was awestruck by the frontman - a tall owl demon dressed in a remarkably casual outfit, simply consisting of a shirt and a pair of pants. But that wasn't important, not at all. The only thing that was important in this moment was his desire to meet Danger.  
Shaking himself out of his reverie, the owl sang along as the chorus hit.

>   
>  _'Cause I'm a picker, I'm a grinner_   
>  _I'm a lover, and I'm a sinner_   
>  _I play my music in the sun!_   
>  _I'm a joker, I'm a smoker_   
>  _I'm a midnight toker_   
>  _I sure don't want to hurt no one..._   
> 

At some point in the song, their eyes met - and in an unspoken moment of mutual understanding, they realised that they _need_ to meet.  
Once the show ended and the D4C Experience headed out, they were joined by the owl demon, who seemed overjoyed to be there!  
"Oh, I'm... I'm so excited to see you, I-I apologise if this is embarrassing for you men," he said, stumbling over his words regularly.  
The band exchanged looks, but Danger approached with a reassuring smile. "It's quite alright, no need to worry. Could I get your name?"  
"Stolas! Stolas Goetia," the owl answered with a curt nod.  
Behind the rabbit, his bandmates started to whisper.

"Goetia... is he that prince, then?" Ferdinand said.  
Shrugging, the argali demon who played the keyboard for the group replied. "He might be. If he is, then I wonder what we've done to attract his attention."  
The last one to put his two cents in was the bassist, a white haired humanoid demon wearing an unremarkable attire of a vest, pants, a belt with a holstered revolver, boots and a pair of gloves... but what _wasn't_ unremarkable was that it seemed like there were tubes going in and out of his body at various points, and some sort of clock was embedded in his chest. "I've heard that he still hasn't been married, not for lack of trying. Maybe he's pursuing the True Man's Path in his own way right now."

The night progressed, and Stolas joined them aboard their bus. After Danger gave the coordinates for the next destination to the driver, a demon wearing a poncho who was stoic despite the little rainbow painted on the underside of his skeletal face, they were on their way.  
While the band stayed in the front half of the bus, talking amongst themselves and generally having a nice time, Danger and Stolas had retreated to the back half - Danger's room, separated by a wall that he had built after getting the bus.  
The two men spent much of their time exchanging stories about themselves, getting to know each other... until eventually, Danger opened a drawer and got out a bag filled with herbs, along with a few bits of paper. "Are you okay with smoking a bit of cannabis with me? I've found that it helps to unwind after a show."  
"Haha, well... herbs _are_ part of my domain, so I guess a bit wouldn't hurt!"

Minutes later, both men were smirking and chuckling, joints held in their hands.  
"There's... there's something that's been bothering me, Danger," the owl began, making the rabbit turn his head to look at him. "The humans, they've got the Kool-Aid Man... but is he the glass? Or is he the juice?"  
Danger seemed to have a hard time determining the best answer, but he eventually came up with one... or at least, if he hadn't choked on a bit of smoke. What came out ended up being...  
" _Boffum_."  
The two were silent for a second or two, before bursting into laughter, leaning against each other until they both calmed down enough. But, looking at one another, something fell out of their mouths at almost exactly the same time.  
"You're beautiful," they said.

Pausing, Danger was the one to ask the suddenly very burning question on... possibly _both_ their minds. "Would it be okay if we... you know... made-"  
His question was answered with a kiss, as he let himself fall back against his bed.  
A few seconds passed before their lips parted, and Stolas decided to vocalise the response, as if it wasn't clear. "I'd be more than okay with that."

\---

Back in the present, Valentino held his four hands out, almost _begging_ to hear more with a grin on his face. "C'mon, what happened next?"  
Danger, however, paid it no mind. "If you want to know the details of our lovemaking, you're out of luck. Unlike _you_ , I actually have _standards_."  
The assembled demons had a good laugh at Valentino's expense, much to the latter's frustration.  
"Fuckin'... shit, at least tell us what the fuck _'D4C'_ is 'sposed ta' mean," the moth grumbled.  
"Now _that_ , I can tell you about. It means **「Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap」** , and it was the name of my Stand in life. Regardless, let's go back to the story, shall we?"


	3. Shooting Star (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danger's story concludes!  
> The D4C Experience is offered the chance of a lifetime, but will they be willing to pay the price of fame? Or will they stick to their guns?

_**October 18th, 1975.** _

The early morning light shone through the blinds drawn down the window, rousing Danger from his sleep. Blinking the fatigue from his eyes, he turned his head to look at Stolas' sleeping form laid next to his, and he smiled softly. He almost didn't want to move, thinking that he was too beautiful to bother like this - but he knew that they couldn't stay in bed all day. Moving as gently as he could, the rabbit sat up, his back facing the owl.  
Even though he tried not to wake him, Danger still made Stolas awaken, hooting adorably as the sleep was blinked out of his eyes. As the owl looked at Danger's back, those eyes widened in concern. "O-Oh my, did I do that? I'm sorry if I did," he said, reaching over to try and soothe the potential pain his partner was feeling - after all, there were _so many scars_ across his back, in such a peculiar pattern too... almost like a flag of some type.

Looking over his shoulder, the rabbit demon shook his head. "No, you didn't cause them. Those were with me long before I died..."  
"If I can afford to ask... when _did_ you die?" The owl questioned, tilting his head to the side.  
"The early 1890s," Danger answered casually. "But I've had these scars since my time in the Civil War, when... I was captured, and they tortured me via lashings of the whip."  
The air was heavy after he said that, but he quickly lightened the mood by turning around and hugging Stolas. "You needn't worry about that, though. They don't hurt anymore, in case you're wondering. And besides... nothing could hurt me right now, because I've got _you_ with me, sweet shooting star."

Later that day, the D4C Experience had another show to perform. Everything went swimmingly, and the band met back up with Stolas backstage after the show was done, but someone _else_ began walking towards them.  
A demon with a CRT television for a head, wearing a tweed jacket-

\---

Suddenly, Valentino burst into laughter, slamming his fist into the table as he cackled uncontrollably.  
"What's so funny?" Danger asked, annoyed that his story was interrupted like that.  
"It's just... fuck, Vox looked like _such_ a nerd back then!" After another few moments of laughter, the moth managed to calm down enough to let Danger continue his tale.

\---

A demon with a CRT television for a head, wearing a tweed jacket and sensible dress-pants approached with a grinning face flickering on the TV screen that served as his head.  
"Gentlemen! I just saw your set, and I have to say... I want to sign you to a record deal!"

It almost seemed too good to be true, but soon enough they were on the way to Vox Music Group's building, which was built next to the 666 News Studios - considering he more or less owns all the media, it only made sense.  
Regardless, the D4C Experience was offered a contract, and despite the concerns of his bandmates, Danger reminded them that he was _also_ an Overlord, so he couldn't be affected by any potential deal-fuckery that Vox could try and pull. So he signed.  
The very next day, they were in the studio, working hard on their first album! After about two weeks, the recording was done, production was being done and soon enough they could actually put the record out!

As the vinyls started getting pressed and shipped, Danger wandered the halls of the building when he overheard something no man wants to hear - sounds of indignation and panicked fear from his lover. Rushing to the source and stopping just before the last corner he had to round... peeking his head out, he witnessed Stolas, his eyes blindfolded, being dragged off by around a dozen men, while Vox smirked.  
Since he wasn't being directly observed, he took the opportunity to teleport his bassist's revolver to himself - Roadagain will understand once he explains the situation. Jumping out from behind his spot, Danger started opening fire on the goons, hitting half of them and causing the other half to drop Stolas and book it.

Stomping over to Vox, the rabbit demon grabbed him by the shirt's collar and slammed him up against the nearest wall. "What the _hell_ are you doing?!"  
The television demon chuckled right in his face. "Enforcing something that's _written in your contract_. No groupies in the studio, Danger."  
Hearing his lover being basically dismissed as just a groupie made Danger raise a fist, ready to punch the guy who pays his theoretical checks. "That so? And what if he _doesn't leave?_ "  
"Then you'll be kicked out too. You _and_ your band. What'll it be, _President Valentine?_ "

After punching a hole in Vox's screen and making his knuckles bleed in the process, Danger packed his bags and took his band with him.  
The next day, he told the boys that the band was done. Parking the bus in a field on the way home, the rabbit climbed to the roof - and he was surprised to see Stolas already sitting there.  
"Stolas? When did you..."  
"I came up here while you broke the news to your bandmates. Danger, I... really do appreciate you standing up for me, but... you really don't have to sacrifice your dreams just to be with me," the owl said.  
Sitting down next to him, Danger looked up at the sky. "My heart and actions were utterly unclouded. The band was fun while it lasted, but... the life on the road just isn't for me. I've come to realise that now. What really matters is those I've made bonds with. Such as you, shooting star."  
"I've... I've truly loved the time I've spent with you, dear. But... unfortunately, I don't think we can make it together. I do love you, don't get me wrong, and I know you at _least_ like me a lot, but..." Stolas sighed, letting his thoughts trail off.  
"It'd be looked down upon by the royals to get wed to a sinner, I know. Then... is this goodbye?" The rabbit tried to hold back a wayward tear.  
"I'm afraid it is. But I'll never forget you, Danger."

By the time night came, Danger sat alone in the now empty bus. Everyone went their separate ways, although he still kept Roadagain and Ferdinand's numbers written down in a notebook.  
Straits, his keyboardist, had gone off on his own... wherever that argali went, Danger was sure that he'd do alright for himself.  
Sighing, Danger picked up his guitar, and began to strum.

>   
>  _Don't you know that you are a shooting star?_   
>  _And all the world will love you just as long_   
>  _As long as you are..._   
> 

\---

"Excuse me, gentlemen. I think I've got something stuck in my eye. I'll go get myself a drink, too," Danger said, trying to keep his cool as he left the table with a subtle sniff.  
Once the rabbit demon was out of earshot, Valentino smirked. "Man, what a pussy."  
That remark got him a slap on the back of the head from Doviculus of all people, and a glare from Lucifer.  
Soon, Danger had come back with a can of beer which he proceeded to poke a hole into and then fucking _shotgunned_ the whole damn thing in one fell swoop. "And I'm better now." Sitting back down, he looked around the table. "So... Valentino's next, right? I wonder what kind of things he'll tell us."


	4. Street Songs (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentino's turn at the stick!  
> Forwarding to 1982, we enter a world of decadence and debauchery. Like seriously, this is on some horny shit - and also on quite a bit of cocaine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick shoutout to Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories before we start. That shit is the stuff of legend, and yes I did base some parts of this off the Rick James story.

Chuckling as he took a drag of a cigarette, Valentino looked around at his table-mates. "Aight, now that we got his lil' heartaches outta the way, I can tell y'all _my_ story. This one's in 1982, an' I'mma call it..." Pulling up his phone, he quickly scrolled through his music library to get a good name - it took him like three seconds or so to find one. "... _Street Songs_." With an exhale of pink smoke, his story began.

\---

_**September 20th, 1982.** _

Giving Club Hell 666 a facelift for the new decade really was a great idea. Sure, business would have kept going strong, but with this new Studio 54 inspired look? Shit's _poppin' off!_ Demons are always packing the place to capacity, and Valentino really wouldn't have it any other way.  
Looking over to the sinner sitting next to him in his personal booth, he smirked. Thankfully, his companion didn't smile too wide in return, because Val _really_ doesn't wanna see the dog demon's black, rotted teeth again. "So, _Monsieur_ Candie, if that's all... guess we got a deal on our hands?"  
The sinner in question, dressed in an Antebellum-era suit (which _really_ made him stand out in this decade) and with a cigarette holder between his fingers, nodded. "Yeah, but y'see... all this deal-talkin' don't mean shit if we ain't shakin' hands. Southern gentleman that I am, I _insist_ that we shake on it."

If Valentino's smirk could get even bigger then, it probably would have. "Well, if ya _insist_..." Holding out one of his four hands, the moth waited for the self-styled gentleman to shake on it - which he did! With a faint glow of red, the deal was sealed and Candie was on his way out. Once he was out of ear-shot, the Overlord cackled to himself while wrapping his arms around a pair of female demons that he had brought along for the night.  
"Dumbass southern boy just handed me his soul on a fuckin' platter! Fuck, I'm just one a' the baddest mothafuckas of _all time!_ Best lookin', best talkin', best _everythin'_ , hold my drink bitch." As one of his 'bitches' took his drink out of his lower left hand, he leaned over to straight up lick the side of the other woman's face. Because really, who's gonna stop him?

The night progressed, and more drinks were had by the moth - eventually, his attention drifted away towards the dance floor... and he saw something that definitely caught his ever so volatile fancy.  
A tall owl demon, seemingly royal... but dressed like a commoner. Leather jacket, jeans, and probably enough hairspray in his feathers to knock the shit out of the ozone layer for years to come.  
Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the line he just did like a second ago, but Valentino _wanted him_ and he wasn't about to wait. Getting up and leaving his booth, the moth walked towards the dance floor, towering over the masses - and he swears that as he approached the owl, he could see a glowing, navy blue aura around him.

>   
>  _Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)_   
>  _Just give it to me, baaaby!_   
>  _Give it to me, baby (Give it to me, baby)_   
>  _I betcha, I'll make you holler you had enough_   
> 

Placing a hand on the dancing prince's shoulder, Valentino grinned just in time for the other to turn around and see him.  
"Oh, hello there! You're... you're very tall," the owl said, getting flustered at the moth's towering height even when compared to his own.  
"Trust me, ain't the only thing 'bout me that's worthy a' gettin' all red over. C'mon, let's get ta' know each other better," the Overlord said in a low drawl, leading his catch back to the booth.  
The next few minutes passed by in a blur - Valentino unsubtly flirting with the owl, who he learned was named Stolas, but apparently not _failing_ in his goal of getting in closer to him. More and more drinks were drank, the moth getting more and more randy as the seconds flew past... but then again, so was the owl. After a while, they were outright making out and letting their hands wander all over each other's bodies... the kiss did part eventually, a trail of saliva connecting the two men.  
Stolas was the first to speak up after a round of heavy breathing, nodding towards the remaining cocaine on the nearby table. "Can I have some?"

>   
>  _Give it to me, give it to me_   
>  _Give it to me, give it to me_   
>  _Give me that stuff, that sweet, funky stuff!_   
> 

Stolas _and_ Valentino finished that coke together, stains of white sticking near their nostrils - though it wasn't too visible on the prince.  
Speaking of him, the owl chuckled while slapping his legs. "Fuck, let's go for a drive!"  
He seemed so excited at this idea, how could Valentino say no? It didn't matter that he couldn't _actually_ drive worth a damn, if it gets him closer to his goal... then why not? 


	5. Street Songs (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino wraps his story up, and we find out just how catastrophically stupid he can truly get when he's off his shits.

"Wait... did you just admit to not knowing how to drive?" Lucifer pointed out, a smirk starting to show.  
"Did I fuckin' _ask_ for lip, Big L? Why d'ya think I got drivers an' shit?" Valentino answered, leaning over the table to glare at the King of Hell.  
Meanwhile, Danger just shook his head. "Not so fun getting interrupted, huh Valentino?"  
"Shut ya sensitive ass up, Danger, 'fore I shut it for ya. Now, where was I..."

\---

Rushing outside and pushing anybody that happened to be in front of them off to the sides, Valentino and Stolas commandeered a nearby Lamborghini Countach, tossing the driver out before speeding off down the streets.  
While the owl giggled like a schoolgirl in the passenger's seat, Valentino did his best to look like he knew what the fuck he was doing at the wheel. "Yo, Hooty, can ya put the music on? Ain't 'bout ta' drive in silence, y'know."  
Reaching over with a smile, Stolas turned the various knobs of the stereo on, landing on a rather boppin' chart-topper.

>   
>  _I want to love you, feel you_   
>  _Wrap myself around you_   
>  _I want to squeeze you, please you_   
>  _I just can't get enough_   
>  _And if you move real slow, I'll let it go!_   
> 

Considering the both of them were pretty much blasted out of their minds on Bolivian marching powder, it didn't seem to bother them how erratic Val's driving actually was. Swerving all over the streets, even driving on the sidewalk at points, it was all a laugh riot to the two!  
At some point during the Death Race 2000-worthy parade of vehicular madness, Stolas leaned onto Valentino, letting a hand wander down to the Overlord's crotch. "Let me... treat _your_ drivestick," the giggly prince said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

>   
>  _I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it_   
>  _I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it_   
>  _I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it_   
>  _And I know, I know, I know, I know_   
>  _I know I want you_   
> 

\---

"Yes, yes, fantastic. _Too_ fantastic, in fact. What did you do to bring this all crashing down, then?" Doviculus spoke up, sounding pretty bored in all honesty.  
"Mothafucka, I swear I'm 'bout ta' whup all a' y'all if ya keep interruptin'!" The moth glared at the shirtless one, who only smirked.  
" _Please do,_ " the other demon drawled out, obviously interested in the idea.  
Valentino blinked, before shaking his head. "Nah. Anyway, ta' answer ya question, we gotta move a couple days forwards."

\---

_**September 29th, 1982.** _

Stolas drank a cup of tea when he suddenly heard the bell ring at the front door of his mansion. Making his way over from the kitchen, he opened the door to see the moth pimp he met nine days ago - and who was visibly on some sort of substance. "Oh, Valentino, what brings you here-"  
Before he even got to finish his sentence, the Overlord pushed his way inside with a grin. "Nice place, Hooty."  
As he moved around, Stolas could see that the moth was leaving dirt stains with every step. Was it muddy outside today? While he wondered about that, he slowly realised that Valentino was heading towards the living room... the living room that he had _just refurbished with suede seating_.

"Why don't I stretch out?" The moth exclaimed, letting himself fall onto the couch - and promptly proceeding to grind his dirty high-heeled boots into the cushions. "Fuck ya couch! Buy another one ya rich mothafucka!"  
Stolas was absolutely aghast at this display of pure dickheadery. Any positive memory he might have had from their previous encounter was washed away the longer Valentino stamped his feet into the couch while staring _right at him_.  
And soon, he wasn't the only one around to be shocked by this fuckery, as an argali demon joined Stolas after hearing all the ruckus.

Valentino was laughing it up, but the owl was about ready to explode. With fists balled up at his sides, he looked over to Straits, nodding to him before approaching the moth.  
"Yea'- wait, fuck are ya doin'," he managed to get out before Stolas slammed his hands onto the Overlord's shoulders to hold him down. Then, as soon as that was done, the other demon began to punch the shit out of Valentino's legs, making him shout in indignation and pain.  
"YA... EVIL BLACK MAGIC MOTHAFUCKAS, GET OFFA ME!" But they didn't listen, the beating keeping a steady rate. "Fuckin'... delirious-ass mothafuckas!"  
Minutes later, Stolas and Straits pulled away as Valentino looked at his legs - they were _all_ messed up, and he could barely feel them. Still, he had enough fire in him to be a defiant dick. "Fuck ya couch, man..."

Stolas just glared at him, barely contained anger dripping off his words as he spoke. "Get out of my home, Valentino."  
"I've been kicked outta better homes than this!" The moth shouted, before tossing himself to the floor and crawling away. "Ya don't know how ta' _'ppreciate shit_! Ya can get another fuckin' couch! _FUCK AM I GONNA DO 'BOUT MY LEEEEEEGS?!_ "

\---

"Wow, I don't think I've heard somebody do something _so_ stupid out of the blue before," Danger quipped. Considering the nods, Doviculus and Lucifer seemed to agree.  
"Cocaine's a helluva drug," Valentino said with a shrug. Then, his phone buzzed. "Shit, guess I gotta take this. Don't go nowhere, y'all."  
"Where would we even _go?_ " Doviculus questioned, before grinning at the prospect of what he'll say. " _Space?_ "  
Lucifer chuckled, before adding his own two cents. "Oh, or maybe... _Transyl-vaniaaa, ha-ha!_ "

Valentino shook his head as he got up and began to walk away. "I'll be right back, an' y'all better not be rappin' that bull no more when I come back."


End file.
